Oh all the things that seem so difficult until you actually do them! 🫣

I couldn’t even comprehend making a pie - let alone my absolute very favorite, pumpkin pie. This fall every-time I went to the store for a store bought pie, it was sold out, when I’d go for a slice for me and Ri, their would only be one left - I felt like life was trying to tell me something. I finally decided to buy a can of pumpkin purée and would attempt this daunting pie making task! When I got home, all I could see was our old Halloween pumpkin staring back at me - What? Ditch the can and turn you into fresh homemade purée, come on!?

Life wants me to do things that will make me proud, life wants me to have the finest, life is just delicious!

Crust is a pre-made graham cracker crust (I’ll level up with a homemade one next time!) - pumpkin pie filling made fresh from our Halloween pumpkin!

BEST pumpkin pie I’ve had next my Grammas AND it was SO EASY! 😍

29 weeks 💚⁣
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The last time I walked this wet, mossy, water trickling, fern and cedar, dreamy trail… I lived in my car. Nowhere I needed to go, nowhere I needed to be. Just me and the forest, together, present in time. ⁣
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There was magic in this way of life, an experience not everyone will ever live or can even imagine. I am grateful - though I was not happy - I was lost, searching for… I didn’t know what, but I eventually found it!⁣
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For the next time my feet would touch this Earth I would have found my man, married my man, found my home, my people, created a happy life and would be pregnant with my first child, my own little girl to guide and share with, in the beauty of nature and many experiences of life and be on the path towards even more dreams! 💕

​"Heart Tug" (Hein Koh)

GOOD FOR ME!
28 days of Self Love with Phoebe.

In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy “Good For Me!” is a statement that is encouraged to be spoken to ourselves throughout our days, when we do something that makes us proud. A “Good For Me!” can be rewarded to ourself for any size of accomplishment: When taking out the garbage “Good For Me!”,  listening a little closer to a friend “Good For Me!”, receiving an award for a major accomplishment “Good For Me!”

I have often caught my mom saying “I rock!” to tasks that to me seemed small (like a newly organized “junk drawer”) and proclaims, proudly, when getting a stain out of a sweater that she is “The Stain Queen!”

The Choice OS teachings by Mikis Hasson ask “How Can I Love Myself?” - joking that most spiritual practices sound like a Nike advertisement as their response to this question is often “JUST DO IT!” - Mikis believes that the way to loving ourselves is simple but we are blind to it, due to the paradox of pride (it being a sin and all.) I quote, “Whenever I am faced with a choice, if I make the choice that would make me proud rather than comfortable and safe, I am well on the way to loving myself.” I see this like a glass “self love” thermometer: Each time I do something that makes me feel proud, my self love thermometer fills up with that shiny red pride juice!

I personally have struggled with loving myself and easily find myself unmotivated, unhappy and just plain not able to see how beautiful my life is! I feel not only uninspired and flat, I feel ungrateful and find myself waiting for “something” to happen. The skies have been a lighter shade of grey since returning to Canada, which is why I am dedicating this fresh new month of February to engraining this way of being and filling myself with the love I deserve.

For the next 28 days, I will slowly begin to crawl, walk and eventually leap myself from this wintery cave of hibernation.
I will be stalking myself to feel pride in every corner, sharing 1 of my “Good For Me!” finds, on IG: @phoebe_van_der_wart

If you are feeling inspired, please join along & share with your friends who need this.
Big or small, with a hand on my heart or my hands to the sky! #GoodForMe
-Phoebe

My old house had two dishwashers with two giant sinks and I still managed to go to bed at night with the sinks full and dishes all over the counters… which also means, waking up like that.

The ritual of “putting the sink to bed” is a new one for my life.

Putting the sink to bed means all dishes washed, cleaned, put away, not a spot of “gunk” in the sink, a *spritz* of cleaner, a counter wipe AND a sweep of the floor.

Although this creates more work at night (when sometimes bed is really calling) it also creates space to give gratitude / pay respect to the space and is a much more luxurious place to make your coffee when you start your day.

“Putting your sink to bed” - one to consider for the New Years Resolution.
☀️

So many different omens, both good and bad
An owl at my doorstep
Wisdom, magic or death to be had?
A messenger from spirit delivering a baby?
Or simply a predator who smells the cat, maybe?
Either way he was a delight to arrive with the snow
A twinkle of magic, now FLY, off you go!

The journey towards the completion of my first cement sculpture, my little girl.

Heart-broken in the jungle, but in trust and feeling SO loved.

No words today- just wanted to show off my cement sculpture, worksite steeze.

The new queens of Chocopelli art studio in Peru at Tierra Mitica

I'm so sick of women in influential positions, glorifying their struggles, making "I have it so hard" the new aspiration! It's crap. Give yourself a hug, a smooch on the back of your hands, remind yourself who you are, dust your shoulders off and stand up! First for yourself, that little girl inside of you that deserves better, and your sisters around the world.
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I will not allow myself to slip into this trend of victimhood mentality, even if the media is shoving it down my throat with sprinkles on top.

When it FINALLY clicks that I AM ENOUGH, and everything within and outside of me in EVERY AND ALL WAYS, is always enough!⁣
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*DOI!* 🤪⁣
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“Phoebe, you are too hard on yourself.”⁣
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“What! Phoebe, you are amazing!”⁣
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“Phoebe, you are an inspiration to thousands!”⁣
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“Phoebe, why is nothing ever good enough?”⁣
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“Phoebe, everyone can see how talented you are, but yourself!”⁣
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“Phoebe, why does everything have to be so extreme?”⁣
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“Phoebe, can’t you chill?”⁣
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“Phoebe, do you really need more tattoos?” ⁣
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“Phoebe, you live the dream life, what more do you want?””⁣
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“Phoebe, we love you, why don’t you believe us?”⁣
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“Phoebe, why are you so hard on us?”⁣
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HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?⁣
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How much is enough when your bar goes up, with every achievement? How much is enough when you never set yourself a bar? ⁣
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I have been chasing myself around with a whip and no resting place in sight.⁣
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How much is enough?⁣
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I’ve been told over and over and over, but with this wonderful new belief (I discovered in Mikis Hasson’s book “Choice Os - The Path To Homodelectus”) it finally clicked!⁣
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🌟 WHATEVER IS HERE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH! 🌟 ⁣
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I looked at myself in the mirror and everything about me was beautiful. ⁣
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I was alive!⁣
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My first Dutch braid I just weaved into my hair, I no longer wanted to rip out because it was ugly. I now cried at it’s glory.⁣
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I picked up my sweet Ukulele, Kala, and I could play! I could sing!⁣
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I went into the living room and my husband, my best friend, was laying on the couch, but now, he was an angel.⁣
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I can feel life inside and around me. ⁣
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I can feel love for the people in my world!⁣
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I am GRATEFUL that I have lived with this dragon for most of my life, for it has made me who I am. I am MAGNIFICENT because I searched for that golden place that I thought existed. I pushed myself into areas, that most will never dare, but now...⁣
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I AM FREE. ⁣
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(what a relief.)⁣

​South African inspired ‘Heart Bloom’ piece for my mother-in-love. ⁣
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I’m pleased with how I was able to really feel and capture the essence of this land and her heart, through my own.⁣

Hubby and I ventured out to the #Karoo in South Africa to photograph his latest painting exhibit 'kaarte van die Karoo' that he painted on this very land, years prior.

He reveals a new painting everyday on his Instagram page:
@hollander_art
Hoping to sell the collection of 35 paintings to one lucky buyer! ⁣
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Here are some behind the scenes from our fun, dusty, day in the sun. ⁣
😄

From Why? to WOW in 1 year.

He stretched me a fresh canvas, over one of his round frames, gave me instructions on how to use oil paints, then he told me just to feel. When he left the room, I put the paint brush in my left, non dominant hand, dipped the brush into white and began to sob. I tried to reach the brush to the canvas for my first mark, but there was something trying to stop me, the force was powerful, my body collapsed. I picked the brush up again, this time, my sword in my right. I got the brush to the canvas and began to paint a white circle, as I did, everything went black. I cried and grunted, holding back my screams. Once I had drained most of the emotion out, I sat up, to witness the negative voices present in the room. They were breathing at my neck, swirling around my head, screeching in my face, trying to get me. With "I CHOOSE WHO I AM" focussed into the stroke, I completed my first circle.
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Here is a look into my process.

💜🌸 Trust 🌸⁣💜
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My latest ‘Heart Bloom’ mandala, “Trust” was created during my first trip on the @VisionTrain 🚂 ⁣
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I go through periods of mistrust in my life, less and less, but sometimes it’s a flip flop through the day. With each moment, “Am I in trust? Or am I in mistrust?” ⁣
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Mistrust for me feels like there is a rebellious teenager inside me, clawing to get out, so she can throw a screaming tantrum on the kitchen floor. My chest is tight, nothing flows, things do not feel as they should be. 🧟‍♀️⁣
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When I am in trust, I am at peace. Life flows. I feel my little girl inside, she is being held and supported by life. I am being held and supported by life. My heart opens wide, life is sweet as honey and whatever happens is divine. 💗⁣
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Trust is a choice. ⁣
A choice I choose over and over.⁣
I choice I have my friends remind me to choose, over and over. ⁣
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From the start of this mandala, created in a place I needed to trust myself to vulnerably enter (thank you @carenchroma & @kaitlyncreatrix for the beautiful welcoming & perfect energy to create in)... to the finale when I handed the camera to my sweet sister @lunaloveadornments to take these photos for me, thinking I would be able to do it better myself... Trust.⁣
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A beautiful, heart shaped key, I’m here to remind you of. 💗

Yesterday I experienced my first body painting journey, Sol Adornment with @CarenChroma on the @VisionTrain - Highly recommend. 💁🏼‍♀️⁣⁣⁣
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INTENTION: ⁣⁣⁣
“From who I was, to who I Choose to be”⁣⁣⁣
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⁣1 aspect. ⁣⁣⁣
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May you find gifts galore in this share. 💝 ⁣⁣⁣

My latest Heart Bloom mandala was birthed this week, from an open-hearted, celebratory place. A place of reclaiming my sense of Connection, to Myself, surprisingly THROUGH opening to the people I love. ⁣
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💗