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When it FINALLY clicks that I AM ENOUGH, and everything within and outside of me in EVERY AND ALL WAYS, is always enough!
*DOI!* 🤪 “Phoebe, you are too hard on yourself.” “What! Phoebe, you are amazing!” “Phoebe, you are an inspiration to thousands!” “Phoebe, why is nothing ever good enough?” “Phoebe, everyone can see how talented you are, but yourself!” “Phoebe, why does everything have to be so extreme?” “Phoebe, can’t you chill?” “Phoebe, do you really need more tattoos?” “Phoebe, you live the dream life, what more do you want?”” “Phoebe, we love you, why don’t you believe us?” “Phoebe, why are you so hard on us?” HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH? How much is enough when your bar goes up, with every achievement? How much is enough when you never set yourself a bar? I have been chasing myself around with a whip and no resting place in sight. How much is enough? I’ve been told over and over and over, but with this wonderful new belief (I discovered in Mikis Hasson’s book “Choice Os - The Path To Homodelectus”) it finally clicked! 🌟 WHATEVER IS HERE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH! 🌟 I looked at myself in the mirror and everything about me was beautiful. I was alive! My first Dutch braid I just weaved into my hair, I no longer wanted to rip out because it was ugly. I now cried at it’s glory. I picked up my sweet Ukulele, Kala, and I could play! I could sing! I went into the living room and my husband, my best friend, was laying on the couch, but now, he was an angel. I can feel life inside and around me. I can feel love for the people in my world! I am GRATEFUL that I have lived with this dragon for most of my life, for it has made me who I am. I am MAGNIFICENT because I searched for that golden place that I thought existed. I pushed myself into areas, that most will never dare, but now... I AM FREE. (what a relief.)
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South African inspired ‘Heart Bloom’ piece for my mother-in-love. I’m pleased with how I was able to really feel and capture the essence of this land and her heart, through my own. Hubby and I ventured out to the #Karoo in South Africa to photograph his latest painting exhibit 'kaarte van die Karoo' that he painted on this very land, years prior. He reveals a new painting everyday on his Instagram page: @riaan_van_der_wart_hollander Hoping to sell the collection of 35 paintings to one lucky buyer! Here are some behind the scenes from our fun, dusty, day in the sun. 😄 First day of 2021 and we are packed, heading out to #karoo to see zebra, springbok & photograph my husband‘s next painting exhibit! Life is gooooooood! ☀️ #phoebesdailyoutfit It’s time to say goodbye to my “Phoebe Dykstra” FB fan-page. I thought long and hard about whether I should delete it, but I have decided to let it live on, in honour of living out my teenage dreams. 🌟 Like Tarzan, I must fully let go of one rope, before I can catch the next. In mid-air I trust. Bye Bye https://bit.ly/2N7awrr  A lot has changed in the past 5 years, just about every part of my belief system, to begin with! But before I could get into that business, I needed to be opened up, I needed to be shaken up, I needed to get uncomfortable, I needed to let go. I’d say, beyond moving to the very special little island of Salt Spring in Canada, straight from being a tv star in Toronto, I date the start of my transformational journey back to my backpacking trip through South East Asia. “I always have everything I need” - one of the greatest lessons I learned from this particular journey, Cambodia being the place that made me feel the deepest. I remember my yoga / meditation retreat at Hariharalaya, I’m sure I was the most unlikely to be able to quiet my mind, this was a struggle, still is. I found the silent mornings, to be my most memorable still points, I remember barefoot bike rides up the dusty back road on free time, I remember the beautiful floppy eared cattle, and giggling children I met on the road. I remember marking Hariharalaya as a place I would return to one day, again visiting feeling the ancient temple ruins in the surrounding area. I’ve noticed the instagram popular page flooded with yoga and meditation retreats taking place all over the world, over the past years, so I wanted to make this post to share that, of all the places I have travelled for specifically the calm of yoga / meditation / detox (my hardcore self development work is something else), Cambodia with my friend Joel at IG: @Hariharalaya is my most highly recommended. They are running a contest right now, on Instagram to win a free retreat with them, so I hope this post reaches someone that feels called to attend! Photos by the INCREDIBLE Raine Skye IG: @_raine.skye_ He stretched me a fresh canvas, over one of his round frames, gave me instructions on how to use oil paints, then he told me just to feel. When he left the room, I put the paint brush in my left, non dominant hand, dipped the brush into white and began to sob. I tried to reach the brush to the canvas for my first mark, but there was something trying to stop me, the force was powerful, my body collapsed. I picked the brush up again, this time, my sword in my right. I got the brush to the canvas and began to paint a white circle, as I did, everything went black. I cried and grunted, holding back my screams. Once I had drained most of the emotion out, I sat up, to witness the negative voices present in the room. They were breathing at my neck, swirling around my head, screeching in my face, trying to get me. With "I CHOOSE WHO I AM" focussed into the stroke, I completed my first circle. Here is a look into my process. 💜🌸 Trust 🌸💜 My latest ‘Heart Bloom’ mandala, “Trust” was created during my first trip on the @VisionTrain 🚂 I go through periods of mistrust in my life, less and less, but sometimes it’s a flip flop through the day. With each moment, “Am I in trust? Or am I in mistrust?” Mistrust for me feels like there is a rebellious teenager inside me, clawing to get out, so she can throw a screaming tantrum on the kitchen floor. My chest is tight, nothing flows, things do not feel as they should be. 🧟♀️ When I am in trust, I am at peace. Life flows. I feel my little girl inside, she is being held and supported by life. I am being held and supported by life. My heart opens wide, life is sweet as honey and whatever happens is divine. 💗 Trust is a choice. A choice I choose over and over. I choice I have my friends remind me to choose, over and over. From the start of this mandala, created in a place I needed to trust myself to vulnerably enter (thank you @carenchroma & @kaitlyncreatrix for the beautiful welcoming & perfect energy to create in)... to the finale when I handed the camera to my sweet sister @lunaloveadornments to take these photos for me, thinking I would be able to do it better myself... Trust. A beautiful, heart shaped key, I’m here to remind you of. 💗 Yesterday I experienced my first body painting journey, Sol Adornment with @CarenChroma on the @VisionTrain - Highly recommend. 💁🏼♀️ INTENTION: “From who I was, to who I Choose to be” 1 aspect. May you find gifts galore in this share. 💝 |
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