If happiness is our default mode,
Why are we not happy?
* Striving to be PARADOX-FREE since December 2017*
I’m sitting in Suchiche cafe in Tarapoto, Peru.
Through google translate, I’ve ordered myself an Americano Misto.
No hazelnut flavouring and regular milk will do.
As my mother sends me a photo where she stands in the coffee shop I’ve been employed at on Haida Gwaii.
I dreamed last night of making lattés.
I wonder where my life will go after these next 18 days.
The life of a butterfly means transformation.
I’ve been many butterflies.
I’m resting now.
Beginning to weave my cocoon.
Soon I will be wrapped tightly inside.
No contact with the outside world.
For 15 days.
There, with assistance, I will go deep into myself.
I will be faced with my fears.
I will remove the blockages from my clear channel.
I will be shown what I already know.
I will make choices.
I will trust.
What kind of butterfly do I want to be?
What butterfly will make me the most happy?
“If I just wait for my butterfly to land on my shoulder if fate brings us back together this time I will not retire to sleep and take care of that butterfly”
At the Mythic Party, Mikis saw me sitting, eating peanuts I had found in my purse, leftover from the plane.
He called me over and from his heart pointed out that I was compulsive eating.
I disagreed with him at first as I was feeling a rumble in my tummy.
He told me he could tell from my energy that it is what I was doing.
I explained to him that I have always been a grazer.
He explained to me that doing this drains my energy as blood is constantly having to go to my belly to help digest.
He asked if I could trust and only eat (eating as much as I want) during our 3 meals at the event.
I said yes!
He told me to ask our friend Simon what happened to his energy levels when he quit eating lunch. (This reminds me, I still must ask Simon!)
I quit snacks.
Later the same day Mikis saw me chewing gum.
“You are always chewing.”
I told him I chew my nails.
I blame it on my “ADHD.”
He asked if I could trust his guidance to help myself power up for our advanced workshop coming up.
I said yes!
I handed my pack of gum to a friend.
I’ve had issues around food most of my life.
Not being able to eat around people.
Restricting myself to raw vegan.
It’s fascinating when you look deeper.
When I was most lonely, living in my van, some days I sat and only ate chips and handfuls of granola. I now see how lonely I really was.
Spending lots of time with people this past week, connecting! I feel healthy!
Wow, HUGS to all the past Phoebes.
I love you, I love you, I love you!!!!
Fork in the road.
Which way will you go?
Ping-ponging my brain for the last couple weeks.
It’s a sick feeling, on that fence.
Time to make your choice.
Into your highest soul’s calling.
Leap into the unknown.
Repeat your worn out patterns.
Stay where it’s comfortable.
YOU DESERVE IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve made my choice, what’s yours?
This has been my view since March. ☕️
What a journey I have gone on at The Ground.
I started off scared, anxious and cursing everything.
Embarrassed to be a coffee shop girl.
Counting down the months until I completed my time.
For the most part now it’s real smiles, happy!
I’m finally open to going beyond “what would you like?”
I’m SO grateful!
I’m proud to get to say I’m a BARISTA!
Blessing the floors as I sweep.
Today at work my heart felt sick.
I have fallen for this town.
I almost know everyone’s name now and if not, I definitely know your drink (or your kid’s name!).
This coffee shop is more than a coffee shop. It’s my rock. It’s given me a purpose. It’s tested the fuck out of me and it’s turned me around. This place is a staple in Masset. A sober place to come together.
It doesn’t feel real that tomorrow is my last day.
I need to take a personal journey in Peru for a month, if I decide to return to Masset as my home, you know you’ll see me working at The Ground.
Not because I’ll HAVE TO but because there will be no other place I rather be, than with all of you.
Ha’waa SO MUCH Dan and Carey!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU for your patience if I’ve messed up your drinks or made sucky lattés or cold Mochas!
Love you all so much!!!! 💜
Thank you to the Co-Op for hiring me.
A cashier is where I began my Haida Gwaii journey.
I came here with a plan.
I’d work in the service industry.
9-5 for minimum wage.
I got to meet the town.
Flip around the odd frown.
Pride in making my own money.
It’s where I met the man that would become my honey!
The job gave me structure.
I grew thicker skin from working with someone who was mean.
But I thank her as she helped me move on.
I folded my uniform up.
Went across the street and put the coffee on!
It’s now been 1 year.
And my journey must continue.
Into the unknown.
But I know I will miss you!!!
8 more sleeps!
I’ve been on the island of Haida Gwaii for over 1 year now.
I am feeling very ready to move forward!
I am feeling very ready for what is next!
Leap leap fly flying into the unknown!
I’m not scared because I trust my journey!
I went into a spiral of fear for a couple days there but I was able to pull myself out with love and with trust.
I’ve had a full year of focused self growth.
On an island.
What will the outside world be like?!?!?
I drove an hour to a café in another town today, to be in a different energy.
Seeing different things on the shelves.
I am so excited to experience the outside world with my new eyes!!!!!!!!
First stop Vancouver to see my sister, to find some summer clothes, then I’m on my way!
Peru, I can feel you already!!!!!!!
I can feel me stepping into the next level activated version of myself!!!!!
Been hiding away for so long, time to break out of my shell!!!
The astrology is saying it’s time to clean up! declutter!! Time to let the old go to make space for the new!
Yoga studio opens back up tonight!
5 more shifts at work.
Not to be so future but like... EXCITED!!!!
8 more sleeps!!!!