If happiness is our default mode,
Why are we not happy?
* Striving to be PARADOX-FREE since December 2017*
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How to live a MYTHIC life? Give a fuck about what is IMPORTANT! “Any light shines brightest at it’s core. So my love for myself must be strongest. Then for my loved ones. Then for the rest of the world. If I do not love myself first, my love for others is fake and hollow.” - Mikis Hasson I have had a rough couple weeks. I was sick, I quit my job, I’ve been fixating my mind on a handsome illusion and I haven’t been putting energy into My Mythic Life. I’ve been in a foggy funk. So when it came time to work through pillar #9 and prepare to film this week’s How To Live A Mythic Life video, I was hit with a wall of resistance. It didn’t help that the concept of this week’s teaching has many layers and is the most controversial! “If it doesn’t serve my happiness, I don’t give a fuck!” I spent two days listening to The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck to try to understand more. I discovered that I have been giving so many fucks to so many things that are NOT important, that do not make me happy! Worrying about what others think, ect. I’ve now officially taken back all the fucks I had been throwing around and into places that didn’t serve my happiness and will now use them for what is important and makes me happy! If it doesn’t serve my happiness, I don’t give a flying fuck!!! No resistance wall can stop me from keeping my commitments, damnit! Here is this week’s How To Live A Mythic Life video, RIGHT ON TIME! I’m feeling magic starting to sprinkle in the air. Yesterday I was given a (horse riding) saddle! Last night I had a 3 hour video call meeting (sitting on the saddle) with a man who was sent by the gods to help me level My Mythic Life the fuck up! I’m back on the horse baby!
Off to deep queen clean a lovely woman’s home, because, getting back to what is real / doing something that makes me happy / I am way too good at cleaning (thanks psychedelics!) and #byedebt! 💥BOOM💥 Ready to clear out what is holding you back? Want to begin to engrave the teachings I am working with? Head to my blog MyMythicLife.com -> at the top of the homepage click “READY TO LIVE YOUR MYTHIC LIFE?” 👑 Song available on iTunes: “Who Do I Want To Be?” By ME! 🎶 Love, Phoebe Dykstra . . . . . HELP ME BUILD MY DREAM! BE A PART OF MY MYTHIC LIFE: BLOG: www.MyMythicLife.com INSTA: @phoebedykstra TWITTER: @phoebedykstra FB: /itsphoebedykstra YT: Phoebe Dykstra 2.0
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How to live a mythic life? My DIRECTION! Right now my POSITION is: *Feeling under the weather, not 100%. *Living at my parent's house. *I am in debt. *I have no job. *I am single. *I don't have a pet. Worrying about and over analyzing my POSITION is meaningless. It takes me into a negative downward spiral, where I feel f*cked. It is an excuse to do nothing. No matter what my POSITION is, I can always choose to focus my intentions and resources on where I want to go, my DIRECTION. DIRECTION: *FEELING HEALTHY, 100%! *LIVING RESPONSIBLY IN MY OWN HOUSE! *HAVING MY OWN MONEY! *HOSTING AND PRODUCING MY OWN TV SHOW! *LIVING MY MYTHIC LOVE STORY WITH MY ROCK SOLID MAN. *HAVING THE BEST DARN PET AROUND! Focusing on my DIRECTION gives me confidence. It gets me excited for where I am going. It motivates me. My mantra right now is: IT'S NOT ABOUT MY POSITION, IT'S ABOUT MY DIRECTION! (And of course having GRATITUDE for what is here now.) *BONUS* Song Title: Who Do I Want To Be? Artist: Phoebe Dykstra (me!) Support my creativity: https://tinyurl.com/y5fqz5by If this message is exactly what you needed to hear today, please share! Love, Phoebe MYTHIC QUEEN Dykstra . . . . . HELP ME BUILD MY DREAM, BE A PART OF MY AUDIENCE! SUBSCRIBE HERE (THANK YOU!): https://tinyurl.com/y5g3pq8e FOLLOW ME! INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/phoebedykstra/ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/phoebedykstra FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/itsphoebedykstra For my whole life, I thought I wasn’t good at anything! A disempowering belief, I wasn’t able to overcome. This belief made me feel worthless. This belief held me back. Until now! 🔑 For your reading pleasure or... Grab your grab your headphones and lay your sweet self back. Prepare to be set FREE as we take this journey together to discover, “What Am I Most Good At, Grandmother?” This is my personal journey into myself, with guidance from my teacher, Mikis Hasson. With assistance from master plant teacher, Grandmother Ayahuasca. What Am I Most Good At, Grandmother? By: Phoebe Dykstra And I sat there in the hot seat, shaking. Eager, anxious, excited for what's to come. Mikis lit a new tobacco stick. He looks at me. "What am I most good at, Grandmother?" Is the intention I'm given for our first night of drinking Ayahuasca. For as long as I can remember, I've had the belief system that I'm not good at anything. How ridiculous. But deeply engrained. Where did this belief come from? How could it even be true? I layered up, white dress on top and we walked through the jungle to Casa Blanca. It was pouring rain tonight so ceremony was being held indoors. Our mats were set up for us, our Shipibo shamans sitting in the dark, I couldn't see their faces. I felt star struck to see them wrapped in their hand embroidered fabrics, that I've known so well for the past year, leading up to this moment. Sara from our hosting team, with power and gratitude led us in calling in and giving thanks to the directions. "We call on OTORONGO! JAGUAR!" This was now real. We were led one by one up to the shamans to have tobacco blown on us and handed a small cup of the plant brew. I went to my mat, sat cross legged, like a warrior, closed my eyes and bravely asked. "What am I most good at Grandmother?" I had drank Ayahuasca before, but this time I was going in with tools to navigate the experience. I was to ask my intention and wait for a response. I was to continue asking Grandmother Ayahuasca questions surrounding my intention, until I got an answer that made me FEEL. This can take hours and can be extremely challenging detective work. I was to dig, dig, dig through my subconscious, until I found my answer. I had 4 hours. The shamans began to sing their Icaros, which was my cue to lay down on my mat. I lay my arms by my side, palms up, knowing I was not to move for the duration of the ceremony. Not only was I not to fidget, I was forewarned that my body would try to distract me from getting to my answer so, no matter what happens, to be strong and focus on my intention! Adam from our hosting team came over, put a big blanket on me and tucked me in. It felt comforting to be tucked in by a strong man. I put my scarf over my eyes. Laying for 4 hours without moving sounded next level challenging for someone with a diagnosed ADHD mind. There was no way I could also go that amount of time without opening my eyes to peek at what was going on around me! I was now comfortable. Niloufar from our hosting team came over and whispered in my ear. "I need you to take the scarf off your eyes. It's not good symbolism. You can do this!" I trust and allow her to remove my scarf. "What am I most good at, Grandmother?" Distrust crept into my mind, I wondered if the Ayahuasca was watered down and tonight's ceremony was a placebo to see if we could get our answers without the plant teacher's help. Even if I wasn't feeling the medicine, I was instructed to work. "What am I most good at, Grandmother?" Nothing. "What am I most good at, Grandmother?" I began to have a remembrance of being in the high-school band. I tried out the clarinet, I didn't enjoy it. I tried out drums, it was complicated, I didn't like it. My mom paid for my piano lessons, I remember being pretty good, I even went into competitions. I didn't like practicing and my piano teacher Thalia always came over when celebrity gossip TV show "Entertainment Tonight" was on. I quit. I remembered taking a pottery class, one class. I remembered taking dance classes, they felt too structured, I hated going. I started to think about how much I love ecstatic dance, unstructured, freeform dance. "Am I most good at dancing, Grandmother?" All of a sudden I could feel the Ayahuasca repairing my weak knees. The sensation was unlike anything I've felt. I wasn't having visions of my knees being worked on, I was fully present, feeling a force inside my skin, in with the blood and muscles, healing my knees! I stayed with this for a while, it was astounding! My teacher, Mikis said that my body would try to distract me but he also said that the right answer is the one that makes you FEEL. I am feeling! "Am I most good at dancing?" My right knee and thigh made a really strong twitch, one that could have been seen across the room. I got the feeling that my body was giving me answers! I've sat with Ayahuasca many times and have never had a visionary experience, maybe this is my way of getting answers, through my body. "Grandmother, is dancing what I am most good at?" My thigh began to twitch really hard. My feet and ankles shot out to the side. My feet then went into a deep arch as if ballerina slippers had been put on my feet and I was on stage about to begin a performance. I could feel the hosting team walking around the room, could they read my mind to know if I am working or distracted? This work is for you Phoebe, focus. "Am I supposed to be a ballerina, Grandmother?" It seemed crazy but it was the answer that was making me feel! I could see how it could make sense, I had just began loving baby pink and I've already gone through much body and identity struggles in my life, so I'd be strong in that aspect. Really though, a ballerina? How the energy was moving through my body, I wondered if I'm meant to be an energy healer, something shamanic, or maybe a channeller. "Am I most good at energy work, Grandmother?" All of a sudden I had Justin Bieber laying down and I was doing a form of energy work over his heart. Gently tapping his chest. I then began to think about the masculine and the feminine, about having a partner one day. "Am I most good at being a partner, Grandmother?" (Specifically meaning, Justin Bieber's partner.) I then went into imaginary situations of us buying sheep carpets and giant crystals together for our new home. Would we live together or would I want my own home? Would I want him to be in his masculine and buy me my home or would I want to work and pay for it myself? Would I even want to be with him or do I just like the idea of him? Maybe "I just need somebody to loooooove..." The thought crept in that maybe I was distracted... I hear Aura, "Dear Argonauts, the first ceremony of your Mythic Voyage is now over..." Thank goodness, by this point my body was ACHING! Sara came over. I was stiff, I could hardly get my legs to work. She helped me to stand and walk over to get my shoes on. I worked hard during ceremony. I wasn't going to tell Mikis and the group the part about Justin Bieber. We walked through the jungle, single file, back to Okopua, our lodge, where we had Chamomile tea to calm the effects of the Ayahuasca. We sat around the table before heading to bed to get some rest. We had a big day of work ahead of us! In the hot seat the next day, I did as Phoebe does, I told everyone everything! "... and then Justin Bieber and I went crystal shopping for our new home!" Everyone in the group (minus Mikis and his helpers) began to laugh. I laughed too. Then shuddered. The hot seat had turned into my TV hosting stool. I was back on camera, the others in the workshop, my audience. I accidentally turned my "Phoebe Dykstra from MTV" on, while sharing about something very serious. This ceremony was part of the ticket to my new life, a deep and fulfilling life! This was not the time or place to put my TV personality on! Mikis called me on what he saw. He looked at me firmly, disappointed. He scolded me that I had wasted an entire night of ceremony. I felt (for the most part) that I had worked. I told him about my body giving me answers, I thought he'd be impressed. "What did we tell you about moving?" "...but I thought..." Mikis asked the group what they thought after hearing my share. Everyone (including me) agreed that I had got distracted. "A ballerina! Marrying Justin Bieber!" Mikis reminded me that my intention was: What Am I Most Good At, Grandmother? "Anything you apply yourself to, Phoebe. Was your answer." The end. . . . . . Listen to / Read “What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother?” Here:
http://www.mymythiclife.com/home/what-if-nobody-likes-me-grandmother-audio Are you feeling BOLD, BRAVE and ready for real transformation, to help you move forward towards living your most mythic life? You can gather more information on being a part of a workshop with my teacher, here: http://www.mymythiclife.com/ready-to-live-your-mythic-life.html These people are my family, so let them know PHOEBE DYKSTRA sent you! You will also receive a FREE night stay (value of $50 USD) when you tell them you know me. Please note: The workshops are now run with tools given to Mikis from the Ayahuasca. To help more people, they are run without the use of psychoactive plants. Thank you. The main bulk of these workshops are held just outside of Tarapoto, Peru, but the team will be heading to Lesbos, Greece in June and Joshua Tree, California in October, which I would love to be at! If my story makes you FEEL, please share. Thank you. Love, Phoebe Dykstra . . . . HELP ME BUILD MY YOUTUBE AUDIENCE. SUBSCRIBE HERE (THANK YOU!): https://tinyurl.com/y5g3pq8e FOLLOW ME! INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/phoebedykstra/ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/phoebedykstra FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/itsphoebedykstra How to live a mythic life? Stick to it! I have been f*cked the last few days and unable to post these videos as I felt like a huge HYPROCRITE! I bailed on a big intention of my own. I quit instead of STICKING TO IT. I didn’t preserver. This took me into a place of mistrust with myself. I started to spiral. I started to give up on myself and my dreams. As I watched these videos I felt pathetic. How could I have become a preacher that is not practicing! Well, as I watched myself release my old intention, I got an idea! I leaped off my bed, put my magic jeans on, bright happy pink top, reminded myself I’m a mythic queen and drove to town to ask the sushi restaurant for a job, as I had just quit mine at the coffee shop.   The restaurant manager recognized me as the happy, hard-worker he had encountered at the coffee shop! “I’ll call you!”  Feeling my trust for myself return as I AM keeping my intention to work in the service industry, for this next year to pay my debt off. It’s just going to look a bit different! *BOOM* May I proudly present, this week’s HOW TO LIVE A MYTHIC LIFE VIDEOS! STICK TO IT! CHOOSE YOUR INTENTIONS! Love, Phoebe MYTHIC QUEEN Dykstra
HELP ME BUILD MY DREAM, BE A PART OF MY AUDIENCE! SUBSCRIBE HERE (THANK YOU!): https://tinyurl.com/y5g3pq8e FOLLOW ME! INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/phoebedykstra/ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/phoebedykstra FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/itsphoebedykstra I am still under the weather, throat cold has moved into brain pain. But even with the fog, I feel clear. It’s time to fly. I feel like the morning after ceremony. I feel the pressured cage around my heart has been lifted. It’s time to fly. I feel beautiful. I feel soft. I feel me. It’s time to fly. I feel love and I want to slow down and connect with people. I feel life again. It’s time to fly. I made a courageous choice for myself two days ago. I pulled The Ground out from under my feet. I am now in full TRUST with my dreams. It’s time to fly. It feels like floating in white fluffy clouds. (That might be the cold medicine...) My heart is open. It’s time to fly. I know I need structure and routine. It’s time for me to make my own. It’s time to fly. I will be working with “make a choice and STICK WITH IT” so the Universe can work WITH me. I am on track. I am excited for the unfolding as I work towards my goals. I love that you are with me, as I create My Mythic Life. It’s time to fly. Hugs! 💜 Love, Phoebe Dykstra  MY MOM JUST HELPED ME DISCOVERED SOME HUGE FEARS OF MINE!!! It’s uncomfortable and scary facing our fears, but once the fears are faced, the gifts appear. My gift is my voice and I am discovering I have big fears to face around using my voice. It’s time to retrieve my key! If you feel you are on a similar path as me, let’s tackle these parts of ourselves together! It starts with you making a CHOICE to demand change, NO MATTER WHAT! Here is me before and 1.5 years after my Choice Os Mythic Voyage. I LOVE the work so took part in the Advanced Choice Os this winter as well! INNER TRANSFORMATION? I THINK YES!!! If you are ready to move forward in the direction of your MYTHIC LIFE, make a symbolic action to the Universe, sign up for a Choice Os Mythic Voyage with my teacher, Mikis Hasson! Peru, Greece or California, you choose. Take a peak into our “Airport” classroom, here: I’ve made it possible for you to register right here, through my blog. These people are my family, so be sure to let them know you a friend of mine.They are also offering 1 FREE night stay ($50 USD value) if you do say PHOEBE DYKSTRA sent you!
At top of this page *click* “READY TO LIVE YOUR MYTHIC LIFE?” (May need to *click* drop down menu if on mobile) The time is now. Let’s take this journey together. Love, Phoebe Dykstra #MYTHICMUSICMONDAYS is the place I challenge the negative beliefs in my head, that have said I am horrible and therefore should never even try. Well, I’m giving it a try baby! Watch me progress! Today I was super inspired by my friend Dani Forde who is also on the journey of facing her fears. Can I whip up a rendition of her song on guitar, memorize her lyrics, and put my voice to it? All while being sick, on my day of rest? Challenge accepted! See Dani perform her mythic song: https://youtu.be/1FO3ROL4iik
Show Dani some love: https://www.instagram.com/danielleforde/ If you are inspired to ride above your fears, please share! Love, Phoebe Dykstra . . . . . HELP ME BUILD MY DREAM, BE A PART OF MY AUDIENCE! SUBSCRIBE HERE (THANK YOU!): https://tinyurl.com/y5g3pq8e FOLLOW ME! INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/phoebedykstra/ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/phoebedykstra FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/itsphoebedykstra How to live a mythic life? I think I can!  I’m so super fired up right now, working with this belief that I CAN! I’ve been almost busting the local gym’s elliptical machine after work, everyday. I’m so full up to the brim with energy, KNOWING that I CAN get to where I want to be!!!! There will be ZERO voices inside of me or outside of me that will be able to stop me from getting to my lighthouse!!!! I know you have friends and followers that need to hear this! Please share! I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN! Love, Phoebe Dykstra *BONUS* HELP ME BUILD MY DREAM, BE A PART OF MY AUDIENCE!
SUBSCRIBE HERE (THANK YOU!): https://tinyurl.com/y5g3pq8e *NEW* BLOGS THROUGHOUT THE WEEK: http://www.mymythiclife.com/ FOLLOW ME! INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/phoebedykstra/ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/phoebedykstra FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/itsphoebedykstra #THROWBACK This was the final lead up, to the point when the PARADOX became too much! I was fanatic about celebrity. I had dreamed of being a part of it since I was a little girl. I was living my dream. At the same time... I was entranced by New Age spirituality. I had crystals, oracle decks, went to reiki and saw psychics from an early age. Spirit was my drug, my study, my friend. But I wasn’t able to find BALANCE. I was in 2 contradicting worlds, had 2 contradicting sets of BELIEFS. I needed to make a CHOICE! I quit my dream job at MTV and have been on a journey to merge my worlds, ever since. I am now consciously choosing BELIEFS that serve my HAPPINESS. I sit at my altar, in TRUST, planning my way back into the spotlight. Knowing that it’s not about my POSITION, it’s about my DIRECTION. I am closer today than ever before. Where do you feel you are in PARADOX in your life? Can you find BALANCE or do you need to make a CHOICE? If you FEEL this, please share. Love, Phoebe Dykstra If you need professional help getting out of the paradox, consider signing yourself up for the workshop that helped me transform myself from the inside out.
“The Choice OS Mythic Voyage empowers us by gifting us the full spectrum of choice and control on who we are and who we want to be, it is a revolutionary way to transcend trauma, lack of self worth, unsatifactoriness and depression, offering flight rather than healing.” https://www.tierramitica.com/choice-os-workshops/ I am proud to know that I am inspiring people to make changes in their lives and these people are my family, so be sure to let them know I sent you. You also get a free night’s stay if you give them the secret password, *PHOEBE DYKSTRA* What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? By: Phoebe Dykstra Written for your reading pleasure or... Kick your jaguar runners off, put your headphones on, lay back and allow me to take you through one of the most powerful journeys that led to my most recent transformation. Light some Palo Santo if you've got. This is my personal journey into myself, with guidance from my teacher, Mikis Hasson. With assistance from master plant teacher, Grandmother Ayahuasca. PART 1 After my first sit in the hot seat, it was evident that I was fucked. I was asked by my teacher Mikis, in my consultation, in front of the group "Who are you Phoebe?" I froze. I never knew how to answer that question, my self-confidence levels low. "Well, who are you?" "Uh... I'm 29" "Okay." "I'm funny, sometimes" "You are funny sometimes?" "I like animals. No, I love animals" I went quiet and started to well up. "I'm useless, I'm ugly..." I could feel everyone in the room feeling me. My body covered in goosebumps. I shook. Rain began to pour from the sky. The jungle was crying with me. Mikis asks "Are you fake?" Soaked in tears but fully trusting this workshop was going to be my turning point, I pondered the question. I remembered when I was a TV personality, people liked me because I was "authentic" maybe authentic in comparison to other talking heads... I responded "sometimes?" "Are you fake, Phoebe?" "Yes" I responded, sitting with the idea. At the end of this consultation, Mikis said, if I'd like, the hosting team could give me a make-over. I've always created my appearance. I started colouring my hair in grade 6 and getting funky haircuts shortly after. I went through every phase imaginable. Avril Lavigne: Thick black make-up and Dickies pants. Snowboarder chick: Only wore "Roxy" brand. Olsen Twin: Hobo chic, chunky thrift store jewellery, which led me to form an eating disorder... control. "Gangsta" girl: Wearing Baby Phat, doing hard drugs, coupled with a boyfriend who was an Eminem look-a-like. Screamo-scene-chick: Black hair, gauged ears, piercings. Eventually I became a MuchMusic / MTV personality, having myself dressed up in all sorts of trendy looks. Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. I never fully trusted the producers, make-up artists or hair and wardrobe stylists to make me look how I wanted. I was definitely a challenge to work with. I quit the TV industry and moved to be with a small hippie community, what mask to wear now... do I stop dying my hair? No make-up? Stop shaving my armpits? Who should I be? Okay hosting team, I NEED REAL PERMANENT CHANGE. Help! I cringed as Sara cut my hair short. She felt that the shaved sides and mullet was giving mixed messages. I agreed. She pulled out a box of BROWN hair dye. I began to shake. Boring, brown box dye. I felt they were trying to make me boring, a for sure fear. I bit my tongue to keep my mouth shut. My appearance has ALWAYS been my one control. I handed it over. Aura and Brielle gathered some dresses for me. They were not cool seeming, exactly the point. I felt like a newborn baby but looked much closer to my actual age than ever before! The crowd went wild! Fast forward our first Ayahuasca ceremony and many looks from Mikis to stop putting the "silly show" on... it was time for our second night of Ayahuasca. We had a very long day in the Airport (our classroom in the jungle). Everyone eager for their night's intentions. After working with many, Mikis takes the tobacco to his lips, looks at me and everyone goes quiet. "Phoebe, I have your intention. It's a hard one, are you ready to work?" "Yes!" "What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? Phoebe, to be clear, the question is LIKES not loves. I'm going to help you but you need to work hard." Everyone was dismissed to change into their ceremony clothing, the jungle was dry so tonight, we drank under the stars. I stayed behind the group, "Mikis?" "Yes?" I got nervous and my eyes started to fill, shakey, I open my mouth, "I just want you to know that I've been living out of my car, I don't have a home or a job..." "Phoebe, I know." "Please help me." He looks at me like a father to a daughter "I'm going to help you, I promise you, but I need you to work." "Okay." We hug. "If I was your father, I'd be proud. I am proud." I scurry to my room, relieved, thankful and motivated to work my ass off in ceremony tonight, no matter what I have to face! TO BE CONTINUED... PART 2 I strapped on the headlamp my dad gave me and slipped on my jaguar runners. "What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother?" I repeated my intention, engraving it into my being as we walked down the trail to Babushka, the outdoor ceremony floor. I thought of my Gramma Rose. She called her scarves "Babushkas", I haven't thought of this word in many years. [Babushka: Russian word meaning grandmother, used to mean an old woman or a type of headscarf.] I knew tonight was going to be potent. I was going in fearless, determined. I requested to sit close to the shamans. The cup was big. It took me two huge gulps to get it down. The smell of tobacco mixed with the taste of the Ayahuasca became overwhelming, I bit my lip to show my body who was in charge. What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? The shamans began to sing. I laid on my back, arms by my side, eyes closed and was tucked in with a big wool blanket. Straight to work. What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? I immediately began to imagine the playground of the school I went to when I was young. What if nobody at the school likes me, Grandmother? I went over each one of my grade school crushes. I said their name in my mind, remembered an occasion when I was nervous around them and felt they didn't like me back. One by one I went through every girl that bullied me. I said the name of the one that put me through the most hell. I got stumped on her last name. Why couldn't I remember her last name? I repeated my intention again, to keep it clear in my mind, in case the Ayahuasca was about to take me over. What was her last name? Never-mind her last name, "What if Sasha doesn't like me?" I remembered being at her house in grade 8. I remembered her basement having walls filled with movies, she had every "thing." I always felt her parents were too busy so they bought her stuff to make up for lost love and attention. I remembered her being at my house, telling my mother lies to her face at the kitchen table. I thought she was a liar. Wait, what if I didn't like HER? I thought of being at another one of my bully's homes. This girl, a fake. I thought about an ex co-worker. We never got along, I thought she was fake. Wait, what if everyone that didn't like me, I actually didn't like either? I could feel my friend and fellow workshop mate Markus, restless. He was laying on the mattress next to me. He began to mumble and call "Aura" for help. Another friend and workshop mate to my right began to talk to herself and call "Aura"'for help. The medicine came on stronger. What if nobody likes me, Grandmother? Markus screams "HELP ME!" What if nobody likes me, Grandmother? "HELP ME! HELP ME!" One of our helpers rushes over to assist Mark. I felt terror. Focus Phoebe! What if nobody at high-school liked me? I get flashes of my high-school bullies. What if nobody here in the workshop likes me? Mark's speech goes back and fourth between English and German. He is moving around. I can feel his fear. He starts to flail his arms and legs everywhere, shouting. I could feel the presence of something that wasn't him. Sara from our hosting team calmly comes up to my ear and whispers "stay focused on your intention Phoebe, your brother is fighting for his life." My feeling of love for him override my feelings of fear. Something black, the size of a bowling ball hits me in the chest. It feels demonic. I tighten up but refuse to open my eyes or move my limbs. *Thud*, what feels and looks like a black panther slams into the side of me. I scream. I can hear and feel black dogs sniffing around my head. They are sniffing for fear to feed on. I shift my energy. What if nobody likes me? What if I LIKE ME? I started at my feet. I like my feet! I like my ankles! I like my legs! I like you legs! The dogs leave but I am scared these parts of Mark are going to come back. I like you belly! I like you arms! What if nobody likes me? I LIKE ME! I LIKE ME! I LIKE ME! Mikis is called to the ceremony floor, he creates distance between Mark and the rest of the group. I call and ask for a worker to come sit by me. I told them I am scared something will jump on me. They re-assured me I am safe and encourage me to focus on my intention. What if nobody on Instagram likes me? What if nobody on twitter likes me? "LIKES" me. Oh. I began to think about how much time was spent doing #phoebesdailyoutfit photos and how many likes I'd get. How little likes I get now. I can hear Mark going back and fourth between personalities, Mikis is working to set him free. I am distracted but their process is pushing me to work harder in my own. "Dear Argonauts, the second ceremony of your Mythic Voyage is now over..." I am assisted to sit up, I reach for a bottle of water, hold it in my hands and slowly bring it to my mouth. I feel like a newborn holding a warm bottle of milk. The water tasted like sweet rose and honey. I chugged the whole bottle, got up and was assisted in finding my jaguar runners. TO BE CONTINUED... PART 3 Arm in arm, I am guided up the jungle trail, where we would meet as a group to have Chamomile tea. I am like a frail patient in my oversized white gown. I am exhausted from working with my subconscious but am also holding back giggles. I softly sing, "in the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight..." holding back the urge to full out belt to the stars, "AWOOOOO OO OO O AWEEEE UM BUMBAWAYYYYYY!" I am seated at the corner of the table, the chair closest to the door, high traffic zone. It seems that most of my fellow workshop mates have come back down to Earth. Surprisingly, even Markus. Martine sat next to me. I could feel an energetic chord between the two of us. We were acquaintances before the workshop. I didn't feel like giving attention or being drained by the energy between us but was very much in the medicine still and was here to work. I'm irritated by her slump. Shake it off. Why doesn't she see her worth? I try to ignore what I'm meant to learn. I start making little sounds and gesturing her way, to make her smile. There are friends purging, there are friends who are present, rejoicing in the gift of life. Our hosting team is at our service. Mikis is with us. He smiles at me from across the table, "Everything is going to be okay, Phoebe." I felt taken care of, with family. Some people went to bed, I felt there was more for me to discover. I didn't know why, but I got up from the table. I went over to sit on the couch near the boys. They were smoking cigarettes, it was too much, I walked away. I wanted to sit by the boys, I wanted to be snuggled up on the couch in their arms. I'll bare the smoke. I love them. I sat by Niklas. Markus was on a chair in front of me. I love them. One of our workers Adam was to my right. I was looking for my reference point. I wanted one of them to step up and be the masculine. Be my anchor. Take the lead, pick the direction. Hold me. Be there so I could dance. I was now snuggled up with Nik on my left and Mark on my right. I giggle and look around the room like "Look guys, Heaven is real!" I wanted to keep them. What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? I put my hand on Nick's heart. I wanted to feel him. He was closed off. He'd been closed off for a long time. What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? Pierre pulled up a chair. Pierre was much older than me, I wasn't interested in him being my forever anchor but enjoyed the feeling of safety and security when he hugged me as little Phoebe. This was fun. What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother? I roll to my side and hug Markus. I'm so proud of him. I'm so thankful for him. I'm excited to tell him how his journey influenced mine. I hold his hand and move it around to test if he is able to pay attention to me while being anchored and solid in a conversation with someone else. *Ahhh* my body relaxes into him. Calm. I remember the first time I saw him. I've felt him so deeply in every group share. His flaws are so special. I feel him. I want to tell him everything! I want to tell him how his demons were terrifying but his demons helped me focus and that I love him and "BE MY ANCHOR FOREVER!" Aura smiles at me, "Think it's time for bed, we have a big day tomorrow." I lay in bed. Wide awake from the Ayahuasca. I decide I wouldn't need anything else if I could just be in Mark's arms forever. I'll move to Germany! I'm too excited to sleep. I sense the sniffing black dogs surrounding Okopua. I fall asleep with a smile. TO BE CONTINUED... FINAL PART I feel happy when I see Markus at the breakfast table. He looks handsome in white. I put my arms around him. My whole being, including my face, smiles. He feels so nice. The only seat open at the table is by Martine. I normally keep quiet while I'm eating but I give her a friendly "good morning" and tell her I'm open to talking if there was anything she wanted to talk about. We finish eating and as a group, make our way to The Airport, our classroom in the jungle. It's post Ayahuasca consultation time. I was as eager to be called into the hot seat as I was to hear everyone's journeys, especially Nik and Markus's. 8 hours go by and we haven't made it through half of the group's consultations. 9 hours. 10 hours. 11. It's time for dinner, time for bed. I was disappointed to have not been able to review my ceremony with the group as I wanted to share when I was still feeling the medicine and the experience was fresh in my mind. We aren't allowed to talk about our ceremonies until we have shared first with the entire group. I was also eager to tell my story. I knew that I'd share at the perfect time. Everything was exactly, deliciously as it should be. I call dibs to take my turn 3rd the next day. We go to bed. The excitement turns to anxiousness when I finally reach the hot seat. How do I sit to show good symbolism? No squirming! I down a glass of water and pour myself some coffee. "Hello Phoebe" "Hi" "What was your intention?" "What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother?" "...and" I tell Mikis that I worked really hard. I tell him how I thought of my elementary school bullies, high school bullies, my first crushes. How the bullies didn't like me but I didn't like them either, I thought they were fake. I tell him about Markus's demons jumping all over me, the black panther, the sniffing dogs. I tell him how I'm terrified but I know that these entities feed on fear so I shifted my energy to thinking about parts of myself I like. "I like my ankles!" "I like my legs!" Mikis is impressed with my work. I tell him that I Love Markus so I was okay with his demons jumping on me and that Mark's process got me to go deeper into my own. "You know Markus is unavailable." I am aware of this but my heart still drops. "You go for men that are unavailable. Is this the story of your life?" "Yes." I tell Mikis how after the ceremony, I was testing out the boys to see if they could be my anchor. I was willing to chose one. I tell him (and the whole group, Mark included) that I tried Nik but Markus felt best. Mikis asks Nik what he feels about me. He has nice words but it feels forced, empty, robotic and I don't have much care because I am fixated on the idea of Mark. Mikis asks Nik to pull a chair up in front of me and we are to look in each other's eyes. I feel vulnerable, in the beginning stages of life and am not yet comfortable with my new appearance. I laugh a lot and cannot look at Nik. Mikis is getting frustrated with me. "This is your life! Do you think it's a joke?" "No." I look at Nik but don't see him. We stand. We hug. I can't feel him. This isn't working. I tell Mikis that I see that this is me looking for my reference point and that I could see that I haven't had reference points (home, job, masculine figure etc.) for alot of my life, which has caused me to spiral. I tell Mikis how when I'm asking the Ayahuasca, what if nobody likes me, I start to ask about my Twitter and Instagram followers. What if they don't "LIKE" me. "I see why you made it clear for me to ask LIKE, not love." Mikis is extremely impressed by how hard I worked. He slides his hands up the arm rests of his chair to support his weight and stands. "I don't often bow 2 times in a workshop." He looks at me, he's proud. He takes the type of respectful bow you only see in the movies. I am honoured. I'm proud. So, What If Nobody Likes Me? "The answer is simple." "People like you when you are not real, not a human but a projection, a "cool" person that is not them, because they all hate their humanity, they are taught to hate themselves. If nobody likes you, then there will be some people who will love you, be one with you because you will be a real person and not just an image. It is more important to be loved by the people that matter in your life than to be liked by multitudes who don't really know you and don't really care about you. You will never truly like yourself if you are constantly trying to impress people and gain their "likes" which bottom line, mean nothing to your life. You will like and love yourself and others will love you too if you are a real person, proud of your humanity and not just a fashion image." - Mikis Hasson Boom! Are you feeling BOLD, BRAVE and ready for real transformation, to help you move forward towards living your most mythic life? You can gather more information on being a part of a workshop with my teacher, here: https://www.tierramitica.com/choice-os-workshops/ These people are my family, so let them know Phoebe Dykstra sent you! Please note: The workshops are now run with tools given to Mikis from the Ayahuasca. To help more people, they are run without the use of psychoactive plants. Thank you.
The main bulk of these workshops are held just outside of Tarapoto, Peru, but the team will be heading to Lesbos, Greece in June and Joshua Tree, California in October, which I would love to be at! If my story makes you FEEL, please share. Thank you. Love, Phoebe Dykstra |
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