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The journey towards the completion of my first cement sculpture.
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I didn’t expect to ever be “one of the girls” - this was something that was scary for me since I was young, though at the same time it’s what I truly wanted. I never felt like I belonged, calling my mom from slumber parties in the middle of the night in sheer terror, begging her to come take me home, calling mom from cheerleading camp asking her to come pick me up - being among a group of girls with no escape scared me, the voices that told me they didn’t like me were so loud in my head and I felt I couldn’t connect because I was “different”. Whether I have finally found my girls that are just like me or I have finally chosen to belong is irrelevant. Today, though the fear still lingers, I choose to ignore the voices, pushing through my resistance. Today my heart is happy, feeling one with and being “one of the girls”. I love you 💜 The new queens of Chocopelli art studio in Peru at Tierra Mitica I'm so sick of women in influential positions, glorifying their struggles, making "I have it so hard" the new aspiration! It's crap. Give yourself a hug, a smooch on the back of your hands, remind yourself who you are, dust your shoulders off and stand up! First for yourself, that little girl inside of you that deserves better, and your sisters around the world. I will not allow myself to slip into this trend of victimhood mentality, even if the media is shoving it down my throat with sprinkles on top.  I finished my 1st CLAY ‘Heart Bloom’ mandala and I could not be more proud! The ability to hold a piece of my heart in my hands, is what I have been searching around the world and deep inside to find. Little Phoebe & my Gramma Rose would be so proud. In fact, I think they were the ones whispering in my ear, with what step to take next & reminding me to feel. When it FINALLY clicks that I AM ENOUGH, and everything within and outside of me in EVERY AND ALL WAYS, is always enough!
*DOI!* 🤪 “Phoebe, you are too hard on yourself.” “What! Phoebe, you are amazing!” “Phoebe, you are an inspiration to thousands!” “Phoebe, why is nothing ever good enough?” “Phoebe, everyone can see how talented you are, but yourself!” “Phoebe, why does everything have to be so extreme?” “Phoebe, can’t you chill?” “Phoebe, do you really need more tattoos?” “Phoebe, you live the dream life, what more do you want?”” “Phoebe, we love you, why don’t you believe us?” “Phoebe, why are you so hard on us?” HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH? How much is enough when your bar goes up, with every achievement? How much is enough when you never set yourself a bar? I have been chasing myself around with a whip and no resting place in sight. How much is enough? I’ve been told over and over and over, but with this wonderful new belief (I discovered in Mikis Hasson’s book “Choice Os - The Path To Homodelectus”) it finally clicked! 🌟 WHATEVER IS HERE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH! 🌟 I looked at myself in the mirror and everything about me was beautiful. I was alive! My first Dutch braid I just weaved into my hair, I no longer wanted to rip out because it was ugly. I now cried at it’s glory. I picked up my sweet Ukulele, Kala, and I could play! I could sing! I went into the living room and my husband, my best friend, was laying on the couch, but now, he was an angel. I can feel life inside and around me. I can feel love for the people in my world! I am GRATEFUL that I have lived with this dragon for most of my life, for it has made me who I am. I am MAGNIFICENT because I searched for that golden place that I thought existed. I pushed myself into areas, that most will never dare, but now... I AM FREE. (what a relief.) South African inspired ‘Heart Bloom’ piece for my mother-in-love. I’m pleased with how I was able to really feel and capture the essence of this land and her heart, through my own. Hubby and I ventured out to the #Karoo in South Africa to photograph his latest painting exhibit 'kaarte van die Karoo' that he painted on this very land, years prior. He reveals a new painting everyday on his Instagram page: @riaan_van_der_wart_hollander Hoping to sell the collection of 35 paintings to one lucky buyer! Here are some behind the scenes from our fun, dusty, day in the sun. 😄 |
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