I've been sharing my journey openly with social media again.
I have to check myself though.
Check that who I am sharing myself as, doesn't become a positivity persona.
I must stay real, and be truthful in where I really am at.
This can be a bit awkward, having a blog, while being the barista in a small town.
BUT it's not much different than being open to all of Canada on live TV.
The truth is, I have been mind fucking like crazy.
My confidence in real life, with the ones I have interest in, is super low.
This has been my reality since my first crush rejection in grade 7.
I have formed a belief that the ones that spark something in me, think I'm crazy and don't like me.
I become obsessed and the force, keeps them at a distance.
This causes me to then FEEL crazy and the confidence stays low.
I also have beliefs that I am different, not relatable.
A belief that it will take a very strong man to be able to keep up with me.
These beliefs are keeping me in fear and obsessive in my mind.
The idea of someone, the fantasy that plays out in my mind, keeps me company.
I stay in my movie.
I stay alone.
I am looking for a man who will be fascinated with my mind.
Feel my heart, deeply, beneath my big energy.
Will use the strength and size of his giant wings to hold me on Earth, while I shoot for my dreams.
Seeing that I am the most mythical and magical woman, he will be my rock.
Fully in, for this journey.
I took a drive to the beach.
While walking along the ocean's edge, the salt and the breeze washed over me.
My beliefs became old.
This verse, new.
Time to write myself a new story.
Love, Phoebe Dykstra